Even the best of us have told a white lie at some point in our lives. But what, exactly, makes it a “white” lie? And is it really any better than a regular lie?
Why Is It Called a White Lie—And Is It Really Harmless?
Updated on Mar. 28, 2025
If you’ve ever left a date because a nonexistent relative suddenly “fell sick,” you’ve told a white lie. Sometimes, telling a fib to protect yourself while being mindful of others’ feelings makes things easier. But have you ever stopped to wonder whether a white lie is truly harmless? We may tell one quite easily, but its impact isn’t always so black and white. And that leads us to another question: Why is it called a white lie in the first place?
Read on to learn the definition of a white lie, where the phrase originates from and the biggest moral dilemma: Is it OK to tell a lie?
What is a white lie?
Merriam-Webster defines white lies as “lies about small or unimportant matters that someone tells to avoid hurting another person.” The Oxford English Dictionary has a similar definition of white lie: “A harmless or small lie, especially one that you tell to avoid hurting somebody.”
Examples of white lies
Telling your friend you’ve got work to tend to instead of admitting you’re just too exhausted from the workweek to make it to a Friday night party is a classic example of a white lie that helps keep things smooth and respectful. A lie like this spares their feelings and avoids any awkwardness while letting them know that you’d like to spend time with them, just … some other time.
Other white lies include:
- Telling a relative you love the ugly sweater they gave you for your birthday
- Assuring your boss that you feel well enough to work when you’re really sick as a dog
- Fawning over a friend’s outfit even though it’s not your style
What’s the difference between a white lie and a real lie?
It can be hard to pin down exactly what makes a lie “white,” but that’s what a Trinity University study aimed to do. Researchers gathered a group of college students to narrow down the different parameters that help us differentiate between a white lie and a real lie. The difference came down to the lie’s original intent, consequence and primary benefactor, as well as its degree of truthfulness and acceptability.
A white lie is different from a serious lie, the study found, because it is usually well-intentioned, doesn’t have a serious impact or consequence and aims to serve the receiver more than the liar. A serious lie, on the other hand, is malicious and can wreak havoc if the truth is revealed. Additionally, a white lie is usually closer to the truth than an outright lie and also more socially acceptable.
Why is it called a white lie?
The history of the term white lie traces back to the ancient association humans made between the daytime and nighttime. Eventually, this contrast shaped how we equate the color white with purity and goodness and the color black with deceit or negativity. Another example of this linguistic use is the distinction between black magic and white magic.
Even Merriam-Webster reflects these associations, defining white as “free from spot or blemish” and “innocent” while linking black with “dirty, soiled” and “indicative of condemnation or discredit.”
In other words, the white in white lies hearkens back to age-old associations of white with goodness—and has nothing to do with race.
What is the origin of the word white lies?
Although the word lie dates back as far as 900, white lie is a slightly newer term.
The Oxford English Dictionary traces the earliest use of white lies back to a letter that Ralph Adderley sent to Sir Nicholas Bagnall in 1567: “I do assure you he is vnsusspected of any vntruithe or oder notable cryme (excepte a white lye) wiche is taken for a Small fawte in thes partes.”
This section of the 16th-century letter translates to: “I assure you, he is not suspected of any untruthfulness or other notable crime (except for a white lie), which is considered a small fault in these parts.”
The psychological impact of telling white lies
We generally think of white lies as harmless, often necessary, social tools for survival. But there’s a real downside to being on the receiving end of a lie … even a white lie.
The line between a “white” lie and a real (or more serious) lie is not so black and white, and the research is clear: Lies can be harmful—yes, even when told to protect others’ feelings.
Here’s how white lies can affect both the liar and the person being lied to:
For the liar
A recent study published in the British Journal of Social Psychology confirms that white lies can negatively impact the lie-teller’s self-esteem. We like to think of ourselves as good people, the researchers say, so when we lie, it makes us feel bad about ourselves.
In addition, frequent lying, even when well-intentioned, can cause the liar to develop what’s known as deceiver’s distrust, a psychological phenomenon wherein a liar becomes paranoid or skeptical, unable to trust anyone due to their own dishonesty.
A dip in self-esteem paired with a growing distrust of people is a recipe for bad mental health and, ultimately, a poor quality of life.
For the lied-to
On the flip side, finding out that someone is lying to you can have worse long-term effects, especially if they’re someone you consider close. While the impact ultimately depends on how the white lie is perceived, chronic lying can also cause an erosion of trust and breed confusion in the receiver’s mind, often making them feel manipulated.
So is telling white lies ever OK?
We’ve all heard the adage “honesty is the best policy.” But how true is it? Certainly not when your little one tries to bake a cake for the very first time and offers you a slice with a twinkle in his eye!
Even though white lies are considered harmless and often save us from embarrassing or awkward situations, existing research tells us that there may be more downsides to white lies than advantages. Given these findings, marrying honesty with kindness is the best approach, especially when dealing with your inner circle (family members, a partner and closest friends) with whom you want to foster authentic relationships.
While telling a white lie might be a good idea if your kid’s cake didn’t have enough sugar, being honest would be instrumental to his learning and growth if he mistakenly swapped sugar with salt.
When practicing honesty, a good rule of thumb is to check your dialogue for kindness. Unlike forced sugarcoating, delivering the truth kindly ensures your message is heard without causing harm or resentment. It also allows you to show up as your most authentic self, maintaining happy and healthy relationships with your loved ones.
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Sources:
- Merriam-Webster: “Definition of white lie”
- Oxford English Dictionary: “Definition of white lie”
- Trinity University: “Real Lies, White Lies and Gray Lies: Towards a Typology of Deception”
- Folger Shakespeare Library: “Letter from Ralph Adderley to Sir Nicholas Bagnall, Ireland, 1567”
- British Journal of Social Psychology: “The costs of lying: Consequences of telling lies on liar’s self-esteem and affect”
