Using polite words and phrases will help you turn on the charm, navigate awkward moments and defuse tension. Here are a few that you should incorporate into everyday conversation.
14 Things Polite People Always Say
Updated on Feb. 24, 2025
Polite words can sometimes be confusing. I’ll never forget one Sunday morning years ago when I was sitting in church with my young children. The sermon had just ended, and someone was saying a prayer … a very, very long prayer. My second son, then around 3 years old, suddenly stood up on the bench and yelled, “AMEN.” Before I could stop him, he yelled even louder: “I SAID AMEN! ALL DONE NOW! AMEN!!”
It was then that I (and the rest of the congregation) realized that my preschooler thought that the word amen meant “the end of the prayer” and that if he said it, he could make the prayer end. It made sense why he would think that, and it is a polite word in a variety of contexts—but it certainly wasn’t the most polite way to use it right then and there. (Honestly, no word is polite if you’re yelling it while standing on a bench in the middle of church.)
While my son never made that etiquette mistake again, I’ve had many conversations with my kids over the years about how speak politely. It sounds so simple! And wouldn’t it be nice if we all figured that out before elementary school? But as an etiquette writer of more than a decade, I can tell you that isn’t the case. (I would be out of a job if it was!) The thing is, it can be tricky to know which words are polite and how to use them in the right way. But there’s a litmus test you can use, says etiquette expert Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute. Ask yourself: “How is what I’m about to say going to impact the other person?” Simply having the self-awareness to look at how your behavior will affect others will save you from making most etiquette snafus.
We asked Post, along with three other etiquette experts, to share the polite words and phrases that you should include in your everyday conversations, emails and texts so that don’t accidentally come across as rude. Read on to find out if you’re being as polite as you could be.
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“I’m happy to see you”
This is my favorite polite phrase for day-to-day life, both as an etiquette writer and a human being. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I often reply, “I’m happy to see you!” I do this because it starts the conversation on a positive note and it’s more exciting than “I’m fine,” but also because it politely deflects from having to answer in an overly personal way. There are times when I will answer candidly about how I’m doing, but in a casual encounter in a grocery store or at the gym, an “I’m so happy to see you!” with a big smile feels better to me—and it’s true. I am genuinely happy to see them!
This polite phrase can be such a gift, according to Post. “Having someone light up with joy when they see you is one of the best feelings in the world!” she says. “And telling them how happy you are to see them not only makes them feel good but makes you feel happier too.” Note: This only works if the sentiment is authentic, though, and people can usually tell when you don’t mean it.
“Hello”
“Take the time to say hello, especially if you’re in an environment where you regularly see the same people,” says business etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of the Protocol School of Palm Beach. She explains that greeting a person makes you stand out and makes a positive, lasting impact. “Even if you’re seeing an unfamiliar face, that person could be a member of the board of directors, a major donor or someone who’s important to someone in your family, and you’ve made a good impression that will stay with them.” That makes it an important business etiquette rule too.
“Please”
When you think of etiquette rules and polite words, please is probably one of the first to come to your mind—and for good reason, Post says. This is one of the polite words that should be used on a daily basis. Simply saying the word please changes a command into a request and therefore shows respect and regard for the person you’re speaking to. This is a great example of how adding one simple word can change the entire tone of a conversation.
“Thank you”
“Whether someone is going out of their way to do something they didn’t have to, like holding a door for you or performing a routine like making your coffee, saying ‘thank you‘ is a small gesture that makes a person feel appreciated,” Whitmore says. Stopping for a moment to acknowledge another person and give them your attention is an act of kindness that speaks volumes about you.
“Thank you” is also one of the favorite sayings of Today host Al Roker, also known as the “nicest man in America.” When I asked him in a recent interview about a kind act he recently witnessed, he shared: “Just now, and it was a simple thing, when I held the door for someone. Holding the door is a nice act on its own, but then the person said ‘thank you,’ and I loved that! Just that simple acknowledgment of a kindness with another kindness. It may sound like a little thing, but it’s these little moments of civility that add up. “
“You’re welcome”
After being thanked, the polite response is “you’re welcome” or possibly “my pleasure“—but saying “no problem” sends the wrong message, says etiquette expert Candace Smith, founder of Etiquette for the Business of Life. The reason? Replying to an expression of gratitude with “no problem” is dismissive; you’re simply saying that the gesture was easy for you. It could also imply that the kindness you performed was a nuisance and, well, a problem. A slight shift in your response sends a much more positive message.
“I’d love to hear your thoughts about …”
One of the top qualities of a polite person is listening attentively to others. “Being a good listener isn’t just being quiet when the other is speaking,” Post says. “It’s inviting them to share their thoughts and then focusing on what they are saying.” This polite invitation gives the person a self-esteem boost, which in turn generates positive feelings toward you—a win-win. Note that this only works if you are engaged in the conversation and obviously interested in the response.
“May I help you with … ”
Ignoring a person who’s struggling—to carry a package or manage a large workload—shows a lack of empathy. When you stop and offer your assistance, the gesture goes beyond politeness and ventures into kindness. “It’s these little acts of kindness that keep society going,” Post says. However, the etiquette rules for how to help have changed in recent years. “Ask before performing courtesies, like helping with a coat, holding a chair or whatever else,” she advises. “It’s more polite than the command ‘I’ll help you with your coat’ or ‘Here, let me get that for you.’ Yes, they’re both ‘nice,’ but they take the agency away from the person for whom the act is performed/benefiting. To me, it’s one of the most subtle and genius changes to our etiquette advice in years.”
Also, don’t say “Can I help with anything?” While it’s well-intended, the person will most likely decline, as they don’t want to be a burden or aren’t sure what you have the time and resources to do. It’s better to offer specific help, like “May I bring you dinner tomorrow or Friday?”
“Excuse me”
When you enter someone’s personal space—whether intentionally or accidentally—you should call attention to it to ask permission or offer an apology by way of saying “excuse me” or “pardon.” Smith explains that “excuse me” is a helpful way to bring a conversation back into social equilibrium and serves as a way to get someone’s attention, provide an exit or serve as a polite transition.
“That’s so kind of you”
Return one kindness with another by using this polite phrase. “Accepting a compliment can be challenging for people,” says etiquette expert Sharon Schweitzer, founder of Access to Culture. “But brushing it off can indicate that you don’t value what was being complimented.” She suggests acknowledging words of praise with “That’s so kind of you.” The phrase shows gratitude and still sounds humble.
“I’m sorry”
Owning your mistakes and apologizing isn’t just polite—it shows good moral character. “Everyone needs to know how to give a polite apology,” Post says. “It’s a fundamental of good etiquette.” The basic rule of a good apology is that it starts with humility and an “I’m sorry for …” and never “I’m sorry but …” Also, be sincere. Apologizing doesn’t have to mean that you are agreeing with the other person or that you’re taking blame for something you didn’t do. It can simply acknowledge that you are sorry for how your behavior made them feel. “A good apology is often the start to a longer conversation,” Post adds.
“Welcome!”
“Good etiquette is always inclusive, not exclusive,” Post says, adding that too many people treat politeness as a velvet rope. It’s not about making rules to keep others out or making a secret club that you have to know the polite password to get into. It’s about making everyone feel welcome. One easy way to do that? Literally welcome them in. Whether you’re greeting a new friend, noticing a co-worker on the outskirts or inviting a neighbor over, saying “Welcome!” is a simple way to make them feel immediately included. You can welcome people into your home or a physical space, but you can also welcome them into a group or a conversation—no one likes to be the one left standing alone.
“It’s OK”
One of the best gifts you can give another human being—and one of the top ways to be polite—is to offer forgiveness, according to Post. “Let the little things go,” she says. Someone steps on your foot? Cuts you off in traffic? Forgets your name? It’s OK. I’ll never forget a time when a lady opened her door and dinged the side of my car in a parking lot. It was a small mark and my car isn’t nice anyhow, so I just told her not to worry about it. The utter relief in her face when I told her “No big deal—it’s OK” was palpable. “If we could all offer each other these little courtesies, the world would be a much nicer place,” Post adds.
And, if you can, let the big things go too. It’s not about letting people get away with bad behavior. You can be forgiving while still holding people accountable for their actions. It’s about getting rid of your anger and hurt. It’s not easy—in fact, truly forgiving others who have hurt us is one of the hardest things we can do—but it’s so worth it. The popular adage “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” is true.
“Great job”
Unfortunately, it’s easy to point out all the things people are doing wrong. After all, it is human nature to focus more on the negative. But it’s just as easy to recognize when people are doing things right … once you start looking for them. “You should make it a habit to look for things others do well and then highlight them,” Post says. Saying something as simple as “Great job on that project—I saw how many late nights you put into it!” can make someone’s whole day. Everyone wants to feel seen and acknowledged.
Additional reporting by Liesa Goins.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on polite words, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. Then Jacqueline Whitmore, a business etiquette expert and hospitality consultant with more than 30 years of experience who owns the Protocol School of Palm Beach, gave it a rigorous review to ensure that all information is accurate and offers the best possible advice to readers. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Lizzie Post, etiquette expert and co-president at the Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: The Centennial Edition, author of Higher Etiquette and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast; phone interview, Oct. 8, 2024
- Candace Smith, etiquette expert and founder of Etiquette for the Business of Life
- Jacqueline Whitmore, business etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Palm Beach
- Sharon Schweitzer, etiquette expert and founder of Access to Culture
