Here's looking at you, quip! These are the funny movie quotes to go ahead and make your day, punk. LOL!
64 Funniest Movie Quotes of All Time
Updated on Nov. 26, 2024
Famous movie quotes and TV quotes are sometimes bigger and more popular than the show they first turned up in. Yes, you’re going to need a bigger boat for this list of funny movie quotes, including great zingers and punchlines from the funniest movies ever.
Read on for the great comebacks, burns, catchphrases, wisecracks, and funniest quotes, spanning contemporary movies to Hollywood classics.
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Best funny quotes from movies
1. “I’ll have what she’s having.” —Woman in diner, When Harry Met Sally
2. “These people are so posh and snobby, they’re snoshy.” —Peik Lin Goh, Crazy Rich Asians
3. “Well, nobody’s perfect.” —Osgood Fielding III, Some Like It Hot
4. “Bye, Felicia.” —Craig, Friday
5. “It’d be a lot cooler if you did.” —Wooderson, Dazed and Confused
6. “Oh right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people … I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” —Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda
7. “There’s no crying in baseball!” —Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own
8. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.” —President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove
9. “Big mistake. Big. Huge.” —Vivian, Pretty Woman
10. “The numbers all go to 11.” —Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap
11. “He slimed me.” —Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
12. “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.” —Dr. Rumack, Airplane
13. “Bueller … Bueller … Bueller … Bueller?” —Economics teacher, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
14. “How the hell did you get the beans above the frank?” —Mary’s dad, There’s Something About Mary
15. “‘You look tired’ means ‘you look old.’ And ‘you look rested’ means ‘you’ve had collagen.'” —Albert, The Birdcage
16. “I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” —Jack Byrnes, Meet the Parents
17. “I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.” —H.I. McDunnough, Raising Arizona
18. “Welcome to earth! (*pulls out a cigar*) Now that’s what I call a close encounter.” —Captain Steven Hiller, Independence Day
19. “Face it, girls. I’m older, and I have more insurance.” —Evelyn, Fried Green Tomatoes
20. “You relax. You’re the dead guy.” —Oda Mae Brown, Ghost
21. “Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.” —Kip Dynamite, Napoleon Dynamite
22. “If we get any more white people in here this is gonna be a suburb.” —Motormouth Maybelle, Hairspray
23. “That’s what I said! So if he can’t move, how’s he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato.” —Michael Dorsey, Tootsie
24. “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” —Margo Channing, All About Eve
25. “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” —Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark
26. “You’d never know it. They look just like new.” —Lorelei Lee, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
27. “Shut up and deal.” —Miss Kubelik, The Apartment
28. “The fall will probably kill ya!” —Butch Cassidy, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
29. “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” —Chief Brody, Jaws
30. “You were never four and a half, you were born 26.” —Paula McFadden, The Goodbye Girl
31. “You know, you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.” —Mike Lowrey, Bad Boys
32. “That’s called the ‘quart of blood’ technique. Do that, a quart of blood will drop out a person’s body.” —Billy Ray Valentine, Trading Places
33. “We’re werewolves, not swear-wolves.” —Werewolves, What We Do in the Shadows
34. “I’ve taken sponge baths in smaller bowls than that.” —Buck Laughlin, Best in Show
35. “That, and I’ll just snowball on top of that, also Fight Club. Female fight club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn’t know, so it’s ‘Surprise! We’re gonna fight!'” —Megan, Bridesmaids
36. “That is my least vulnerable spot.” —Captain Renault, Casablanca
37. “By all means move at a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me.” —Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada
38. “I was just inches from a clean getaway.” —Garrett Breedlove, Terms of Endearment
39. “Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday.” —Neal Page, Planes, Trains and Automobiles
40. “If I cut my ears off I’d still be able to hear her through my nose.” —Eugene Morris Jerome, Brighton Beach Memoirs
41. “I don’t know how to put this but… I’m kind of a big deal.” —Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
42. “Oh yeah, you blend.” —Mona Lisa Vito, My Cousin Vinny
43. “I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials.” —Mickey, Hannah and Her Sisters
Funny Christmas movie quotes
44. “You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.” —Buddy the Elf, Elf
45. “Well, I don’t know what to say, except that it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.” —Audrey, Christmas Vacation
46. “4:00, wallow in self-pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me—I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing … I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.” —The Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
47. “Call me elf one more time.” —Miles Finch, Elf
48. “Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?” —John McClane, Die Hard
49. “There are children throwing snowballs instead of throwing heads, they’re busy building toys and absolutely no one’s dead.” —Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas
50. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” —Santa, A Christmas Story
Funny love quotes from movies
51. “Snap out of it!” —Loretta, Moonstruck
52. “So, you’re telling me there’s a chance!” —Lloyd, Dumb and Dumber
53. “Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.” —Kevin, 27 Dresses
54. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life, and I once shared an elevator with Saddam Hussein.” —Charlotte, Long Shot
55. “As you wish.” —Westley, The Princess Bride
56. “I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” —Kat, 10 Things I Hate About You
57. “I can’t believe it. I’m in love. I’m in love with a young, handsome, talented duke.” —Satine, Moulin Rouge
Funny Disney movie quotes
58. “You’re a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.” —Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
59. “Teenagers. They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.” —Sebastian, The Little Mermaid
60. “There is no way I’m kissing a frog and eating a bug in the same day.” —Princess Tiana, The Princess and the Frog
61. “I’m surrounded by idiots. ” —Scar, The Lion King
62. “Wrong lever!” —Yzma, Emperor’s New Groove
63. “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy.” —Yao, Mulan
64. “‘Greater good’? I am your wife! I’m the greatest good you are ever gonna get!” —Frozone’s wife, The Incredibles
Why trust us
At Reader’s Digest, we’ve been sharing our favorite quotes for over 100 years. The sayings and quips that appear in the magazine’s “Quotable Quotes” (formerly “Remarkable Remarks”) are curated from interviews and essays originally published in the magazine, reprints from trusted titles and other verified sources. For this piece, Molly Pennington tapped her experiences as an entertainment reporter for Reader’s Digest to ensure that all information is accurate. We’ve gone the extra step and had Marcy Lovitch, a fact-checker with 20-plus years of experience researching for national publications including Marie Claire, Good Housekeeping, Family Circle, Glamour, Seventeen, Real Simple, Forbes and InStyle magazines, verify that all quotes are attributed correctly and have credible sourcing. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
