Share these quotes to finally prove you're the funny one in the family
49 Funny Family Quotes That’ll Make You Chuckle
Updated on Nov. 25, 2024
Ah, family. We laugh together, cry together and poke fun at one another whenever we get the chance. Being part of a family has its hilarious moments—some of which can be summed up only through funny family quotes.
Need a funny quote to share on social media or send in your family group chat? Look no further than this list of hilarious (and totally relatable) quotes about parents, siblings and other family members.
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The funniest family quotes
1. “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” —Wayne Huizenga
2. “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” —Buddy Hackett
3. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns
4. “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal and the common cold.” —Ogden Nash
5. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” —Chelsea Handler
6. “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” —George Bernard Shaw
7. “Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.” —
8. “I don’t have to look up my family tree because I know that I’m the sap.” —Fred Allen
9. “The other night, I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” —George Carlin
10. “Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.” —Anonymous
Funny family quotes about kids
11. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”—P.J. O’Rourke
12. “You know what it’s like having five kids? Imagine you’re drowning. And someone hands you a baby.” —Jim Gaffigan
13. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
14. “When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.” —Henry Fielding
15. “Children are a great comfort to us in our old age, and they help us reach it faster too.” —Anonymous
16. “A 2-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” —Jerry Seinfeld
17. “The reason I love kids so much is because they’re so honest, so you know right away if they like you or they don’t.” —Colin Egglesfield
18. “Having one kid makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” —David Frost
Funny family quotes about siblings
19. “Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.” —
20. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope
21. “Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were 5.” —Pam Brown
22. “What strange creatures brothers are!” —Jane Austen
23. “You can kid the world but not your sister.” —Charlotte Gray
24. “If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.” —Pearl Cleage
25. “It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on … someone to tell on!” —Anonymous
Funny family quotes about parents
26. “It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents because, of course, you know so much more than they do.” —
27. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck
28. “Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?” —
29. “My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.” —Spike Milligan
30. “Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically Mother stating the truth and Daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.” —Barbara Delinsky
31. “Parents must get across the idea that ‘I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.'” —Amy Vanderbilt
Funny family quotes about grandparents
32. “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” —Sam Levenson
33. “My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” —Ellen DeGeneres
34. “To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word ‘boo.'” —Robert Brault
35. “Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.” —Gene Perret
36. “As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” —Prince William
37. “The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.” —Dave Barry
38. “Grandmas don’t just say ‘that’s nice’—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.” —Anonymous
39. “Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.” —Lewis Mumford
40. “A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.” —Lois Wyse
Funny family quotes about spouses
41. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
42. “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.” —Anonymous
43. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” —Bruce Almighty
44. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.” —Oscar Wilde
45. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
46. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” —Dr. Joyce Brothers
47. “Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing research on his wife.” —Pawan Mishra
48. “Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” —Clint Eastwood
49. “Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” —Janet Periat
Why trust us
At Reader’s Digest, we’ve been sharing our favorite quotes for over 100 years. The sayings and quips that appear in the magazine’s “Quotable Quotes” (formerly “Remarkable Remarks”) are curated from interviews and essays originally published in the magazine, reprints from trusted titles and other verified sources. For this piece on funny family quotes, Kelly Kuehn tapped her experience as a former lifestyle editor for Reader’s Digest to ensure that all information is accurate. We’ve gone the extra step and had Stephanie L. Abramson, who has served as a research editor at the New York Times, Real Simple, Women’s Health, Time and more, verify that all quotes are attributed correctly and have credible sourcing. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
