On a crowded flight, it's important to be a good neighbor, especially when it comes to airplane armrest etiquette. Here, the experts weigh in on who gets those middle-seat armrests.
Here’s Who Should Get the Middle-Seat Armrests on Planes
Updated on Feb. 19, 2025
We get it. Airplane travel isn’t what it used to be, especially if you’re flying coach. Seats are narrower, legroom is reduced and once-free in-flight amenities now come for a fee, if they’re available at all. Delayed flights, long security lines, unexpected baggage charges—they’re all enough to put travelers in a bad mood even before the wheels go up. And while flying may feel like a combat sport, here’s one fight we can help you avoid: the debate over airplane armrest etiquette and who gets to claim those middle seat armrests.
When I’m traveling with my family, one of us usually has the middle seat—an inevitability if we all want to sit together. Since my husband is quite tall, we give him the aisle seat, so that means my daughter or I get stuck in the middle seat. But it’s tolerable, since we’re family and can invade each other’s space a little, or even raise the middle armrest and lean on each other when we try to get some sleep.
But an airplane row full of strangers? Someone’s got the misfortune to be stuck in the middle. And according to travel and etiquette experts, it’s up to all of us to be kinder, gentler travelers.
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Does the middle seat get both armrests?
“I can’t imagine a solo traveler intentionally choosing a middle seat,” says Pauline Frommer, travel journalist and co-president of Frommer’s Travel. “They’re there because there were no other seats available.” So according to Frommer and the other pros we spoke to, a little empathy is in order. And yes, that means the middle-seat passenger gets both armrests.
“When sitting three across on a plane, the person in the middle has dominion over both armrests,” agrees Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “The person on the aisle has the benefit of being able to move freely and has stretching room into the aisle. The person at the window has the benefit of leaning against the window or being able to see the view, when there is something to see. Both the person on the aisle and the person on the window are only being potentially touched by one other person. But the person in the middle is not able to easily move or stretch, nor is there anywhere to lean. Additionally, they are potentially being touched by two others. Therefore, they have control over the arm rests.”
Who gets the armrests if there are two middle seats?
The only thing worse than being stuck in the middle seat in a row of three? Being stuck in one of two middle seats in a row of four. That configuration means that the two inside passengers have to jockey for control of the middle armrest. The way to resolve this, says Frommer, just comes down to common decency. “Look, the airlines are doing everything they can to squeeze more money out of every flight at the expense of passenger comfort,” she says. “So it’s incumbent upon us, as fellow passengers, to be understanding and empathic. Two passengers stuck in what are essentially the same bad seats simply need to share the middle armrest.” That may mean one elbow is toward the front of the rest while the other is closer to the seat, or that they take turns using the armrest.
Who gets the middle armrest in a two-seat section?
If you have the good fortune to have either the aisle or window seat in a two-seat section, count your blessings—and don’t fight over the shared armrest. “In a two-seat scenario, go ahead and use the middle armrest for a while,” says Frommer, “but then yield to the person next to you.” You could even make a lighthearted comment at the beginning of the flight (“I guess we’ll have to share!” or something like that) to acknowledge you both have equal dibs on that coveted armrest. For longer flights where most people will be trying to sleep, the person with the window seat can lean against the window, and should defer to the aisle passenger, who has to lean away from the aisle if they want to sleep.
What should middle passengers do if their seatmates take one or both armrests?
Good manners may dictate that the middle seat passenger gets both armrests. But you can’t count on everyone being polite or considerate. If you find yourself in the middle seat and the passengers on either side of you have staked out the armrests, you can try a passive approach at first—simply claim your space by putting your elbow or forearm on the same rest, and most people will shift their arm and allow you some room. If that doesn’t work, Frommer says you should politely speak up. “Politely ask for some armrest space,” she says, “and if necessary, point out that you have less room in your seat.”
If that still doesn’t work, you can try to speak to a flight attendant—discreetly, though. Because you don’t want to be in a war with your seatmate, mention something to the flight attendant when you get up to use the restroom and ask if they could say something to the person when they pass by your row. It may not work, and it may be that some flight attendants won’t intervene, but all you can do is try.
Are there any times the middle seat passenger wouldn’t get the armrests?
We can think of a few scenarios where the person on the window or aisle might be entitled to a little more space and have a legitimate claim on the armrest, such as if they’re extremely tall or robust and are already contorted into a seat that’s too small for them. Likewise, if a toddler or small child occupies the middle seat, we don’t think it’s out of line for the adults on either side of them to claim the armrests—or at least share. And if the person in the middle seat falls asleep without their arms or elbows on the armrests, then the passengers on either side of them can use the armrests without any qualms—at least until their neighbor wakes up!
How can you avoid arguing over the armrest?
Here’s a truth bomb: A passenger willing to argue about sharing an armrest is probably willing to argue over just about anything. So much of air travel etiquette depends on collective goodwill and a “we’re all in this together attitude” that not everyone will adhere to. Rudeness probably isn’t enough to get someone kicked off a plane, particularly for a flight that’s already underway. Our best advice is to take a deep breath and take the high road, even if your neighbor is looking for conflict. You might be squeezed between two seats and be uncomfortable for the duration of the flight. But at least you’ll remember to book those airplane tickets early next time, and snag a better seat.
About the experts
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions, as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on airplane armrest etiquette, Elizabeth Heath tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in travel and etiquette for Reader’s Digest. Then Jacqueline Whitmore, a business etiquette expert, hospitality consultant who owns the Protocol School of Palm Beach and former flight attendant, gave it a rigorous review to ensure that all information is accurate and offers the best possible advice to readers. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Pauline Frommer, co-president of FrommerMedia, editorial director of Frommer’s Guidebooks, author of the bestselling Frommer’s EasyGuide to New York City and Frommer’s New York City Day by Day, and co-host of The Travel Show
- Jodi R.R. Smith, president and owner of Mannersmith and an etiquette consultant specializing in social and professional conduct
