How to Spot Romance Scams: 7 Telltale Signs to Watch Out For

It was all going so well. You met online, fell madly in love, and if your new beau didn’t live in another country, you’d probably be married by now. Which is why your online love is asking for some cash—just enough to move to your town and finally meet you in person. At least that’s what the person on the other end of the internet told you. It might be true, but there’s also a good chance you’ve unwittingly been hooked by one of the most common romance scams.

Run by con artists who fake romantic interest to swindle you out of money or steal your identity, romance scams are just one of many online scams. Romance scams typically take place on dating apps and social media (though not always), and they have one thing in common: They capitalize on our human need for love. “These scams are incredibly sophisticated, and many people don’t realize how easily they can fall victim,” explains Charles L. Moore Jr., chief consumer of digital safety at Aura, which provides protection from identity theft, scams and online threats. “Scammers use emotional manipulation and advanced technology to build trust over time, making it harder for victims to spot the signs until it’s too late.”

According to Federal Trade Commission (FTC) data, consumers reported losing more than $1.14 billion to romance scams in 2024, more than triple the losses just four years ago. “As technology evolves, so do scams,” Moore says. “It’s crucial to stay informed and protect yourself from these threats. After all, scammers are consumers too, and they know exactly what to say to manipulate their targets.”

Reader’s Digest spoke to Moore and six other security and relationship experts to learn how to identify some of the most popular romance scams. Read on for all the details—including advice on how to protect yourself.

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What are romance scams?

When a con artist fakes romantic interest in someone, crafts a too-good-to-be-true persona and weasels their way into the victim’s heart to steal their money, they’re running a romance scam—and pretty much everyone is fair game for this long con.

Who are the victims? Fraudsters often prey on those who may be lonely, which is why romance scams disproportionately impact the elderly. Widows and widowers are particularly at risk after a loss. “Their desire for love and companionship is strong,” explains Barbara Santini, a psychologist and sex advisor based in the U.K. “Once the intimate trust is established, the scammer fulfills their original plan to empty the victim’s bank account and/or steal their identity.”

Scammers hit people of all ages and income brackets, and according to a poll conducted by Social Catfish, a company that uses reverse-search technology to prevent online scams, 75% of romance scam victims are college educated. So intelligence has nothing to do with whether you’ll get scammed.

According to Donna Andersen, author of Red Flags of Love Fraud and founder of LoveFraud.com, there are two basic types of scams: the online swindle and the real-life romance scam. Both aim to take your hard-earned cash.

The online swindle

As the name suggests, these romance scams happen over the internet. “Perpetrators find someone online, seduce the target into falling in love with them and then convince the target to send money,” Andersen explains. “Often the perpetrator and the target never meet in person.” One way scammers hide their identity is by catfishing their victims, aka luring them into a relationship using a fake profile. Catfishers traditionally used photos downloaded from the internet, but now they’re employing artificial intelligence (AI) to create total mock-up personas.

“AI is making these scams more convincing and effective, while also making it easier for fraudsters to carry them out at a high volume [by] utilizing automation of tasks like messaging,” says Mason Wilder, research director at the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners. “These tools have also led to a shift from fraudsters using real individuals’ images in catfishing and romance scams, which can make them a little harder to detect, since it removes the opportunity for impersonated individuals to report their identity being used.”

Any legitimate dating site or social media platform holds potential for romance scammers, but scammers are big fans of Match.com, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Instagram, Facebook and even LinkedIn. “The absolute number of fake dating profiles is unclear, but some estimates put it at 10%, though it’s tricky to quantify,” says Monica Eaton, CEO of Chargebacks911, a cybersecurity company that’s successfully protected more than 15 billion online transactions. Keep in mind that not every online romance scammer is a catfisher, and scammers may meet their victims in real life in addition to communicating online.

The real-life romance scam

The second type of romance scam takes place in real life. “The perpetrator and the target do physically meet, have what the target believes is a relationship and perhaps even marry and have children,” explains Andersen. Unfortunately, it’s all fake. The scammer’s agenda was always to live off the victim and take as much as possible before leaving. “Once the target’s money and other resources are gone, the relationship is usually over,” she says.

What are common examples of romance scams?

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There are many, but before we get to the specifics, know that con artists often share common traits, and many scammers recycle the same personas and narratives. Once you figure out how to spot a romance scammer, their schtick becomes clichéd and obvious.

Male scammers tend toward the persona of someone who is financially secure, such as a business owner or professional who works internationally. Women create a nearly opposite scenario. “Female scammers tend to create personas featuring attractive young women—under 30 years old—who are financially dependent and need someone to help them,” explains Lisa Schiller, director of investigations and communications for the Better Business Bureau of Wisconsin.

No matter what persona the scammer takes on, one thing is clear: “They all describe themselves as honest or trustworthy,” Schiller says. Here are the most common romance scams:

The member of the military

Military romance scams are a popular romance scam, and they tend to follow a boilerplate formula: Scammers impersonate a member of the U.S. military, say they need help and explain that the military can’t provide needed funds. They often claim to be deployed overseas and cannot meet in person—which also explains why they contact the victim at odd hours—and they use stolen photos of military members to create fake profiles. They’ll say they need money for a plane ticket and other expenses to travel back to the United States. Naturally, they tell their victim they can’t wait to meet them so they can finally be together.

“The U.S. military says that they’ve heard from thousands of victims who thought they were dealing with someone in the armed services,” Schiller says.

The oil rigger

Another common example of a romance scam persona is someone working remotely on an oil rig. He may be making plenty of money—and he’ll flaunt this—yet he’ll also ask you to do financial favors for him. Before the “big ask,” scammers will make small requests to gauge whether you’re likely to be susceptible to the con when an “emergency” inevitably crops up. Oil rigger scammers often work in teams, though a single scammer may pose as many different people during the con.

Here’s how the big payoff works: One of the scammers will contact you with news that your love interest has been badly injured. He needs money to save his life, the message says, and while this is a big ask, you’ll get the money back as soon as possible. Distraught at the thought of losing your love, you help.

“When the scammer asks for money, it usually follows the same template: It’s a matter of life and death,” Eaton says. “There’s no one else they can turn to. They don’t have any family or friends who can help them. And it’s amazingly urgent! Any delays could have cataclysmic consequences.”

The international worker

“The most common scam is the businessman or woman who is away on business,” explains Shannon Peel, a brand storyteller who did her own real-life research on scammers when she started dating. One fraudster posed as a businessman from Canada who was in China buying antiques for his business. To see how scammers operate, Peel pretended to be excited about their life together and told him she was totally in love with him and couldn’t wait for him to get home.

“It took all of two days before he was asking me to send him $50,000 to get his new purchases through customs and come home to see me,” Peel says. “When I told him I couldn’t, he asked for $25,000. I said I didn’t have it—he told me to get a loan. When I said no, he said that is what people who love each other do. I said, ‘Yeah, no.'”

There are some major red flags that your long-distance lover is conning you: These romance scammers say they’ll be home in a month or two and suggest getting to know each other online. They may claim to be from the United States, yet they use awkward syntax and don’t seem to understand North American culture. “Their personal details change, and they can’t keep their stories straight,” Peel says. “And they behave in odd ways to give you proof of their story without you asking.”

The sugar mama or sugar daddy

Sugar mamas and sugar daddies prey on younger people, often students, nurses, teachers, single parents or others who might be in need of extra cash. The scammers tell the victim they’ll pay them a weekly allowance just to talk to them—not for sex or nude photos—but then say they need a portion of it back for an unexpected bill.

“They send a check or money from a stolen credit card,” Peel says. “And you send the money back and get caught when the check bounces or the credit card company reverses the charge.” Not only have victims lost the money they thought they were getting, but they’ve sent their own money to the scammer as well.

The widow or widower

This one usually starts with a sob story, like your would-be lover is a widow or widower, maybe with kids. Such highly emotional narratives serve an important purpose—they want to build your trust—and these scammers typically prey on other widows or widowers. These criminals offer more than the illusion of romance; they offer the promise of a family, something the victim may be missing.

As with other romance scams, this one is all about the money. And in this case, the scammer’s pleas for money are likely to be related to medical expenses, possibly even for a young grandchild with a rare cancer or something equally dire.

The crypto pusher

Experts call this one “pig butchering,” and if that weren’t unappetizing enough, just wait until you hear what these scammers plan to do to your bank account.

Pig butchering romance scams combine emotional manipulation with financial fraud. “Scammers forge online relationships, gaining victims’ trust before pushing them to invest in fake crypto platforms,” explains Robert Siciliano, CEO of cybersecurity training company ProtectNow. “They ‘fatten’ victims with fabricated profits, encouraging larger investments, then ‘slaughter’ them by stealing all funds.” Siciliano says these scams exploit emotional bonds, leading to devastating financial losses.

The scammer usually contacts the victim via an end-to-end encrypted messaging app like WhatsApp or Signal, though they may use a dating site like Hinge. After building trust, the criminal then pressures the victim to buy cryptocurrency assets and deposit them into a legitimate-looking crypto-trading app that’s controlled by the scammer. Pig butchering romance scammers also like peer-to-peer cash transfer apps like Zelle, because transfers happen instantly and are irreversible.

Signs of a romance scammer

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Spotting a romance scammer can be difficult, as Anderson knows all too well. Her former husband claimed to be a successful entrepreneur and told her they’d make an incredible team. Unfortunately, Andersen learned the signs too late, but she shares her romance scammer story so other potential victims can be spared. “I spent $227,000 funding his dreams of grandeur—none of them worked,” she says. “And once the money was gone, he was gone.”

Once you know them, romance scam warning signs are easy to spot, and before long you’ll be a pro at knowing how to identify a scammer. Here’s what to look for:

You never meet the person

Your new beau keeps making plans to see you but then doesn’t show up. Usually, he claims something terrible has happened—his mother died, for instance—which might lead him to ask you for money. In the midst of love, these requests may seem legitimate, but if you take a step back you’ll spot a classic element of many romance scams: online-only contact.

“Lots of romance scammers follow the same pattern: Geographically, they’re far away from you, so alas, they just can’t meet in person yet,” Eaton says. There’s a reason con artists rely so heavily on catfishing. They’ve created a faux persona that doesn’t match who they really are. Once you meet them in real life, the jig is up.

You don’t even see the person

Your new girlfriend can’t meet in person, but that’s understandable. She lives in another country, after all. At least you can video chat, right? Well, not if you’re being catfished. If you ask to Skype or FaceTime with your new love, she might stall, saying there’s something wrong with her camera. And if you finally land a video call, it’s probably so dark that you can’t see what the person looks like.

“When you communicate with someone you’ve never met before, do they only communicate via text?” Eaton asks. “Are they unable to talk over the phone? Do they always have an excuse for being unable to video chat? These are obvious warning signs.” Noting the excuses will help you avoid romance fraud and identify a scammer.

You feel like you met your soul mate

You seem to have the same interests, the same ideas and the same desires. It sounds great, but it’s no coincidence. The perpetrator has studied you on social media, figured out what you want in a partner and fashioned their persona into precisely what you are looking for.

“By its very nature, romance is serendipitous, and when you meet the right person and fall in love, it’s almost a source of pride to have met under weird, quirky circumstances—like in the supermarket checkout line or [when] your dogs get tangled together when you’re taking a walk,” Eaton says. “So it’s human nature to apply this to the online world: A stranger messaged me out of the blue! They like me! It must be meant to be!”

You’re in a whirlwind romance

The romance scammer showers you with attention and affection. He or she wants to be in contact with you all the time and quickly makes plans for the future. You think it’s love, but it’s really a tactic called “love bombing.” The objective is to get you emotionally hooked before you can escape.

“Some scammers even send flowers or other small gifts to their victims,” Schiller says. “They may text the victim 20 times a day, mirroring what everyone would want their ‘true love’ to share.”

The person indicates trust in you

Human beings are naturally inclined to reciprocate when they feel trusted. So if your online boyfriend or girlfriend says you’re the only one who can help them and that they know they can count on you, it’s to soften you up and gain your trust. When scammers feel you’re sufficiently primed, they’ll ask for money.

“Once initial contact with a victim has been made, the ‘relationship’ continues with a grooming phase, in which the fraudster learns about the victim’s life and builds trust,” Schiller warns. They might even show concern for the victim’s family and ask genuine-sounding questions.

Your new love values privacy

Because dating apps and sites threaten their nefarious mission, romantic scammers will suggest moving off the app to text or email. This focus on privacy is a major red flag. “The victim becomes more susceptible to scamming after giving up their phone number or primary email address,” Santini says.

A con artist might say something like, “Let’s keep this just between us.” It’s not sweet or romantic; it’s a way to prevent you from getting wise to their tricks. They’ll tell you how much they value their privacy, often because they’re supposedly a high-profile person or public figure. The goal is to prevent you from talking to your friends and family about the relationship—those close to you might sense the scam before you do because they’re not emotionally hooked.

Directly or indirectly, your new love asks for money

If your boyfriend or girlfriend asks for any money at all, watch out. It doesn’t matter if it’s for an airplane ticket to see you, for medical care for their sick mother or for an investment opportunity. Asking for money is inappropriate in a romantic relationship, especially one that’s brand new—and especially when you’ve never met the person face to face.

“The scammer isn’t seeking a relationship and is trying to monetize the situation as quickly as possible,” Eaton says.

How to protect yourself from romance scammers

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So how can you protect yourself from online dating scams and other romance frauds? “I recommend that individuals who strike up online relationships do some due diligence about the people they’re communicating with, at minimum doing a reverse image search of profile pictures,” Wilder advises. And though it may sound old fashioned, it’s important to take it slow.

“If you meet someone on a dating site and they immediately want to exchange numbers after the first message, be cautious,” warns Siciliano. Consider, too, the tone of the messages. “Be suspicious of anyone who tries to impress you with romantic [declarations] or statements that seem cliché,” Siciliano says. “And be wary if the guy you met online keeps showering you with too many compliments.”

Also be wary when the topic of money comes up. There’s a huge cost to romance scams, and experts can’t say it enough: Never, ever send money to someone you just met online. It doesn’t matter if they need funds to visit you or offer up a sob story about a medical emergency. Just say no. And don’t talk about how much money you make or have, Siciliano says. “If he or she keeps asking, tell them you are on a very tight budget.” If they keep pushing, they might not be a good partner, even if they’re not technically trying to scam you.

And finally, trust your gut. If something feels off about a person, don’t brush your unease aside. If that’s not enough and you’re curious about how to catch a romance scammer, you can use Social Catfish to verify the person’s identity. Tinder, Match, Plenty of Fish and some other dating sites offer background-check services for its users, and you can also stick to matching with members whose profiles feature the check mark, indicating they’ve been verified.

What to do if you suspect a romance scammer

So you think you’re dating a con artist. Don’t freak out. Follow the steps below to protect yourself.

• Report the scam to law enforcement. Many victims are reluctant to file a report, but it’s crucial to get the complaint on record. “Reporting it may help prevent someone else from being defrauded, because most fraudsters have many victims,” says Schiller. She suggests reporting romance scams to your local police department, the FBI, the Federal Trade Commission, the Department of Homeland Security and the Better Business Bureau.
• Report it to the dating app or social media site. Assuming you met your scammer online, report them on the dating app or social media site where you met. You might feel ashamed that you fell for the con, but now that you know how to expose a romance scammer, it’s important to share your experience with others. Romance scammers can be blocked from social websites and apps so they can’t defraud more people, though they might just create new fake identities.
• Block the person. You might find it difficult to block a suspected scammer, especially if you aren’t quite sure the relationship is a sham. The person has been manipulating you, and it may be understandably hard to cut off what feels like a dream relationship. But if you see warning signs of love scams, stop doing research, cut your losses and block the person on all platforms, plus on your phone and email. While you’re at it, go into the dating app and change your password.
• Never send money. It’s a red flag if someone you are newly dating asks for money. And if the person wants to visit you but asks you to pay, it’s probably a scam. “Never send cash or money via payment methods that are untraceable, such as wire transfer, reloadable gift card and cash apps,” Siciliano warns.
• Run. “Run as fast as you can,” advises Andersen, whose sentiment echoes that of victims of romance scams and cybersecurity experts. It might be hard—you might be heartbroken and believe you were really in love, but it wasn’t real. To mitigate any further damages, you need to cease all communication with the person and never look back.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of articles on personal technology, arming readers with the knowledge to protect themselves against cybersecurity threats and internet scams as well as revealing the best tips, tricks and shortcuts for computers, cellphones, apps, texting, social media and more. For this piece on how to spot romance scams, Jaime Stathis tapped her experience as a journalist who has written dozens of articles about scams and digital security for Reader’s Digest to ensure that all information is accurate and offers the best possible advice to readers. We rely on credentialed experts with personal experience and know-how as well as primary sources including tech companies, professional organizations and academic institutions. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

Sources:

• Charles L. Moore Jr., chief consumer of digital safety at Aura; interviewed, March 2025
• Monica Eaton, chief operating officer of Chargebacks911; interviewed, October 2022 and March 2025
• Barbara Santini, psychologist and sex advisor with Peaches and Screams; interviewed, October 2022
• Donna Andersen, founder of Lovefraud.com and author of Red Flags of Love Fraud; interviewed, October 2022
• Mason Wilder, research director at the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners; interviewed, March 2025
• Lisa Schiller, director of investigations and communications for the Better Business Bureau of Wisconsin; interviewed, October 2022
• Shannon Peel, brand storyteller at MarketAPeel Agency; interviewed, October 2022
• Robert Siciliano, CEO of cybersecurity training company ProtectNow; interviewed, October 2022 and  March 2025
• Federal Bureau of Investigation: “New FTC Data Show a Big Jump in Reported Losses to Fraud to $12.5 Billion in 2024”
• Federal Bureau of Investigation: “$1 Billion in Losses Reported by Victims of Romance Scams”
• Federal Trade Commission: “Romance scams take record dollars in 2020”
• Federal Trade Commission: “Love Stinks” – when a scammer is involved”
• Federal Trade Commission: “FTC Sues Owner of Online Dating Service Match.com”

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